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TV APPEARANCES
Aside from
starring in The League Of Gentlemen;
Jeremy, Mark, Steve and Reece have also
appeared in numerous non-LoG related
programmes (well they do have bills to
pay). Listed below are brief summaries of
the Gents' appearances.
100 Greatest
Scary Moments - It grew organically like a mould in a dish
All four of the Gents appeared on this
Channel 4 programme listing the top 100
scary moments from television and film. The
League of Gentlemen's Christmas Special
made it in at number 24, just ahead of
Buffy and Jam! The Shining was crowned the
top scary moment and all four Gents
discussed there favourite horror moments.
Mark explained that children are terrified
of the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty
Bang Bang because "it's a distillation of
all childhood fears." Jeremy talked about
the works of Nigel Kneale, including the
classic Quatermass. Reece apparently used
to love watching Ghost Watch on the
television, and Steve said that whenever he
watched the Wicker Man he wanted "police
helicopters to fly in and rescue Edward
Woodward." You can read a transcript of
what the Gents had to say about the
Christmas Special, courtesy of Jules:
Reece:
It was never our intention to emerge as the dark princes of comedy and do 'black humour' I mean, we only ever wrote what we thought was funny, to ourselves.
Mark:
We were always trying to get a kind
of gothic quality, because I think that's what we
thought we had in our lives, growing up in the
north - these places which are very grim and
grey a lot of the time but some of the people
are really quite fantastical and freakish.
Jeremy:
Well it wasn't one idea for The
League of Gentlemen, it grew organically like
mould in a dish.
Steve:
I think horror runs through the
very...courses through the blood of The League
of Gentlemen. For us it was important that it
was genuinely scary as well as genuinely funny.
Reece:
Certainly the most kind out out and
out creepy character we've probably got, and
it was deliberately conceived that way I
think, is Papa Lazarou. Steve and I used to share a flat together and the landlord was called Peter Papa Lazarou, that's where its
from. And he spoke like that, that was his
voice. He'd ring up and leave messages:
(Papa Lazarou
voice) "Hello Steve?"
"No, do you wanna speak to..."
"I wanna speak
to Steve."
Steve:
Papa Lazarou is so frightening
because its like something from your nightmare
as a child.
Mark:
Well the bit that really does it I
think is the little girl screaming between the
banisters and then Reece just going (does mad
impression of Reece as Papa Lazarou), menacing the
little girl. It's absolutely terrifying! I
watched it in kind of isolation I remember
and I was thinking "what is that!? what have
we done?" (laughing)
See screenshots of the 100 Greatest Scary Moments
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Greatest
Magic Tricks in the Universe Ever -
What is wrong with people?!
First thing's first, this is not the same
as the 50 Greatest Magic
Tricks. Honest guv, they're completely
different! What do you mean Channel 5 just re-hashed together all of
the same information from Channel 4's
offering and nicked the same guests who
then provided the same insights? You
cynical heathens. Just go and read what
Reece had to say about David Copperfield's
famous Saw Trick:
Reece: It's really dramatic and it's
brilliant. It's one of the best magic
tricks there is to see - as a magician -
because it's what you a want to see... you
just want to see someone get chopped in
half.
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Eurostar
Adverts - Mon Cherie
Mark was lucky enough to land the part of
'man who is in love with Eurostar' in the
company's recent series of television
adverts. The first advert aired in October
2002 and showed a male passenger running
through the train station in a desperate
bid to catch his sweetheart. We are led to
believe it is a beautiful woman, only to
find at the last minute that he is actually
infatuated with a Eurostar train. The man
shouts "Mon Cherie!" and runs towards the
train, gently running his palm over the
train's exterior whilst planting kisses all
over it's surface. The police catch the man
just as he is trying to mount and hump the
train. At least two more adverts aired
following this one and they showed Mark
contentedly asleep in his Eurostar seat and
wistfully remembering the fine aesthetics
of the train.
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50 Greatest
Magic Tricks - Doin' me magic and me
tricks
It's no secret that
Jeremy Dyson and Reece Shearsmith are both
aspiring magicians in their spare time - so
when Channel 4 decided to compile a list of
the 50 greatest magic tricks, Jeremy and
Reece agreed to appear on the programme.
Jeremy revealed a genuine admiration for
magic tricks such as 'The Zigzag Lady',
which he believes is "undoubtedly one of
the greatest tricks of all time" and
Reece's comments were very funny. You can
read some of them below:
Jeremy:
'Death Dive' is absolutely stunning. It's
like the start of Moonraker, only better
because it hasn't got Jaws in it.
Reece:
It's a good illusion. It's like Emperor
Ming at the end of Flash Gordon. It's
always great to watch someone get a massive
drill through them.
Jeremy:
That electric chair trick is brilliant, and
I so much wanted to learn how to do
that when I saw it. I spent weeks trying to
work it out, you know, was he giving them a
shock? Was there a kind of remote
controlled pin going up their bums?
The Gents get
squeamish at the sight of The Amazing
Orchante swallowing a ball of string and
pulling it out of his stomach...
Jeremy:
How are you doing that? What have you done?
Have you gone in there a week before and
made an incision and surgically put it in
there. Or are you actually doing it, which
is even worse.
Reece:
(Sounding like a disgusted mother)
Don't do that! You're going to get
peritinutus and die if you keep doing
things like that.
Discussing
the magician who shoots an apple balanced
on his wife's head, whilst blindfolded. The
magician's wife rings a bell and stands
behind him, then he fires a crossbow and
hits the apple...
Reece: Just a bell, to say where I am.
How can that be? Imagine someone ringing a
bell behind you, and you're thinking
"right, I know exactly now where the top of
their head is." No you don't! You just know
that there's a man behind you ringing a
bell! You don't even know if it's a man!
 
More screenshots of 50 Greatest Magic
Tricks
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Top 100 Greatest TV Characters - Tubbs
makes it in at number 16!
Tubbs Tattsyrup is now officially one of
Britain's best loved TV characters - or
at least that's what the Channel 4 list of
the top 100 greatest television characters proved. Yes,
Tubbs was voted in at number 16. Steve and
Reece featured on the programme and Steve
was wearing a particularly fetching
self-promoting 'Dolescum' jumper. The duo
commented on the 1970's character Keith
Pratt and then went on to speak about the
origins of Tubb's bizarre nature.
They
began their comments with an anecdote of
filming the sketch from Series One that has
Tubbs dancing around completely starkers,
Steve remembers having to "dancing naked...
and slap my arse." The usual story of TLoG
going into a local shop in Brighton was
retold by Reece and the word local was
mentioned as an established catchphrase.
The writer Stuart Maconie observed that
"local doesn't mean 'quite near where you
live' anymore, local now means weird and sinister.
They've changed the meaning of a word in
the English Language." I'm sure the
Gents would take that as a compliment.
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I Love the 1970's - Nostalgia
Bites
Both Mark and Reece appeared on the
I Love
the 1970's Documentary Series
discussing numerous objects of 70's
nostalgia. Reece and Mark were featured in
I Love 1970 when they rode around on
Chopper bikes and Mark talked about the
Banana splits in the programme
I Love
1971. Reece also appeared in
I Love
1974 where he remembered that Action
Man had had skin like a condom, and the
famous summer of 1976 was remembered for
it's Fab and Rocket ice-lollies. Numerous
snippets from the programmes have been
transcribed:
Mark:
"1971 I can remember very, very well
because I had a Birthday party and I had a
pirate hat, and Francis Cameron turned up
with the same one and I was very upset. But
I can remember that the 'Banana Splits' was
on because we all stopped to watch it. The
'Banana Splits' was like from the height of
that kind of mad television. We were
brought up - Saturday mornings - with a
kind of Second World War by proxy with
Arthur Askey films and Flash Gordon. We had
the childhood of our parents and then
suddenly things like this would drop in."
(Discussing
the Banana Splits)
Mark:
"It was an era of great optimism, and the
Space Age was reflected in the ice lollies.
They were all so great - the zoom lolly,
the Fab with the speckles on it."
(Remembering the long hot summer of 1976
and ice lollies)
Reece: "My cousin had one and she was
called Miss Selfridge. It was the Internet
of the day."
(Talking about CB radios)
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Dr Who Night - Dok-tor!
Mark Gatiss and fellow Dr Who fan (sorry,
enthusiast) David
Walliams fulfilled their fan-boy
fantasies by filming three short Dr Who
sketches as part of the BBC's Dr Who Night
in 1999. There are transcripts of all three
sketches (the first two transcribed by Sarah):
The
Pitch of Fear,
The
Web of Caves and
The
Kidnappers.
The first sketch is a spoof of an imaginary
meeting held between a BBC Executive (Mark
Gatiss) and the person pitching Dr Who
(played by David Walliams). It is - as Mark
stated in a recent interview - "the
contentious one". The second
sketch is a classic monochrome Dr Who
adventure with Mark playing the Doctor and David Walliams and Paul Putner
playing some rather incompetent and
endearingly courteous
aliens. Both being the keen Dr Who
'enthusiasts' that they are, Mark and David
were desperate to play the Doctor, but in
the end it was Mark who lucked out and
donned a cravat and curly wig. The final
sketch - titled 'The Kidnappers' - delves into the crazy world of
extreme fandom and features an ill-fated Peter Davison. This
last sketch was
particularly gratifying for Mark as he
was able to ask David if it would be
alright to "kiss Peter?"
See
more screenshots from Dr Who Night
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Alexei
Sayle's Merry-go-round - Philip Arthurs
This BBC programme, broadcast in 1998, was
presented by celebrated comic
Alexei Sayle
and directed by Spaced director
Edgar Wright. The programme flaunted
Sayle's trademark blend of dark realism and
comic absurdity with the story of a bomber in the
Second World War who is famous for writing
a pen-pal message on the side of a bomb.
The bomber (Philip Arthurs) was played by
Reece and here is a transcript of his part:
Alexei Sayle:
(Walking through a field) During the
Second World War, bomber crews used to
chalk messages on the sides of their bombs.
Things like 'Up yours Adolph!' and 'Stick
this up your girdle!' But perhaps the most
famous message of all was written on April
the 17th 1943 by forward Gunner, Philip
Arthurs.
EXT -
Daytime. Outside a Second World War
Aerodrome in England. Philip Arthurs is
lying on a blanket writing on the side of a
bomb using chalk.
Philip:
(Speaking aloud as he writes) 'Are
there any Germans out there, interested in
football? Especially Tottenham Hotspur...
(thinks a moment)... and Rambling.
Reply guaranteed. Philip Arthurs, Biggin
Hill Aerodrome, UK. Please send photo.'
(Taps the bomb lightly and looks around
with a satisfied grin).
EXT -
It is now evening and the Aerodrome is
being bombed. There are explosions of smoke
all around. The camera pans across to show
Philip looking up at the sky, a pilot runs
towards him.
Pilot: For god's sake man, run!
Philip: Just a moment! Give me those!
(Snatches binoculars from pilot).
Philip: (Looking up at the sky
through binoculars) Yes! Yes, there on
that bomb! 'Dear Philip, I am Hans, I fly
hawkers but prefer doyens and I too love
the Spurs and the Rambling. Write soon. PS
- you're last bomb destroyed my home
village. Good shot!'
Philip is following the bomb as it falls
towards the ground. Bomb explodes where he
is standing.
Alexei
Sayle: (Walking through smoke)
It was remarkable correspondence. A
friendship, in spite of war, but sadly was
also rather dependant on war. Eventually,
Philip was court-marshalled for sending
Hans a transcript of an entire seasons
worth of Spurs programmes, and wiping out
Stuttgart in the process. It was 1951.
Philip stands to attention and salutes as
music fades
Click for more screenshots of Philip
Arthurs
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Mash & Peas do the USA -
Channel 4's Sitcom Weekend
Way back in 1997 Mark, Steve and Reece took
part in Channel 4's sitcom weekend by
appearing in three spoof sketches, written
by fellow comics David
Walliams and Matt Lucas.
Reece and Steve performed in the
sketch
Seinfeld, an obvious spoof of the
popular US sitcom of the same name. Reece
donned a curious American accent to play
Jerry Berkowi and Steve was the mad French chef
Fritz. Reece also featured in the sketch
My
Gay Dads as a typical American jock
called Brad. This sketch spoofs the popular
80's US sitcom 'My Two Dads'. Finally, Mark
appeared in
Only Jerks and Horses - a comical look
at how the US would have remade the British
'Only Fools and Horses'. Mark plays the
part of Trigger, who - unlike the original
version of the character - is intelligent
and rich.
More
screenshots of the sketches
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The Friday Night Armistice - New
Labour
This BBC2 show (written by Armando
Iannucci) featured
Steve in a comedy sketch
satirising New Labour. He played a New
Labour campaigner, here's a transcript:
EXT -
New Labour MP walks towards a building with
his briefcase followed by the camera crew
who he waves and smiles at.
MP
V/O: I'm the MP for this area and I
tend to get people up around... 6:20... am.
(MP checks his watch then picks up a
megaphone)
MP:
(Shouting through megaphone) New All
Britain! New All Britain! (Camera zooms out, the man is
standing on the top floor of a block of
flats shouting the slogan).
INT - Man walks past some people
sitting down and smiles.
MP
V/O: We have our surgery here every
fortnight, and it's always great fun.
(MP
is sitting at a desk opposite a man)
MP:
Well thanks very much and goodbye!
(Holds out hand, the man takes it and
kisses it)
(MP
is sitting opposite a woman now)
MP:
So, er what can I do for you?
Woman: Well, we
haven't really got a problem. My husband
and I think you're all doing such
magnificent work here, we'd like to give
you something as a thank you.
(Camera zooms out to show a young girl
sitting next to the woman)
Woman: So, um, we
wondered if you'd accept our daughter?
(Daughter stands up)
MP:
Oh, that's lovely!
Woman: She is a
virgin.
MP:
How thoughtful of you. (Points to a
corner with other girls standing there)
If you'd like to go and stand over there.
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The Dwelling
Place - Bowmer the Butler
Mark's penchant for imitating accents was brought to
the forefront when he played the walk-on part
of Bowmer the Irish butler, in the ITV
adaptation of Catherine Cookson's novel
'The Dwelling Place'. Mark exchanged the following dialogue
with the main character
Lord Fischel, played by James Fox:
(Fischel
wanders out of his room and spots Bowmer
lurking by the stairs)
Fischel:
Bowmer? Do we have visitors?
Bowmer: (Walking towards him)
Not that I know of Sir.
Fischel:
Then who's leaving?
Bowmer: I don't rightly know, sir.
(Fischel eyes Bowmer suspiciously. Bowmer
sighs wearily)
Bowmer: I only know that Morris was
given orders last night to 'stand by'.
(Fischel thinks for a moment then hurries away)
 
Back to Top
A
lot of time and effort has gone into compiling
this list - so please ask before borrowing
anything.
Eurostar and Dr Who
screenshots by Tara.
All other screenshots by
Virtual Royston Vasey.
Thanks to
Shaz
for providing me with a copy of TLoG
rarities Video.
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